Daughter scolds 69-year-old mom for spending over her Visa limit after she housed her and paid for all her expenses for 6 years: 'I told her I couldn’t help her anymore and that she’d have to figure it out on her own'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 2, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

You can't teach an old dog new tricks. If someone has been irresponsible their entire life, no amount of help from their family is going to make them get their act together suddenly. It's not true that people never change, but once you observe a specific pattern of behavior over the course of years, you should probably accept that there's a very good chance they will never change their behavior, and plan accordingly. You probably can't afford to pay your delinquent brother's bills indefinitely for the rest of his life, and you should make that clear to him if you've been paying his bills for the past couple of years. Enabling irresponsible people does not ultimately benefit them. It might feel good in the moment to help someone out, but if they become totally reliant on your help that you cannot provide indefinitely, then it becomes a significant problem.

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  • The mom in this story spent six long years paying off her debt while living in her daughter's family home. Now that she's out of the house and living on her own, she still struggles with overspending, particularly on credit cards. Why her daughter didn't cut up her credit card 10 years ago beats me.

  • Beautiful elderly woman sitting in an armchair relaxing at home using a laptop computer paying online using a credit card to shop online
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I wrong for refusing to acknowledge my mom’s $300 Visa payment and making her cry?

    So, backstory: about 10 years ago my mom (now 69) had racked up a massive amount of credit card debt. She was unemployed, facing eviction, and in a really bad spot. At the time I couldn't afford to help pay her bills, so instead I moved her into my house with me, my husband, and our two kids. We sold most of her stuff to help pay things down.
    via u/ArtisticGarden8705
  • For 6 years she lived with us rent- free. We covered her groceries, utilities, and basically everything. Every cent she got from the government went straight toward her debt. It wasn't easy, but eventually, she paid it all off.
    via u/ArtisticGarden8705
  • Once she was debt-free, I helped get her onto social assistance and into low-income senior housing. She's been on her own for about 3 years now. I still have access to her accounts, mostly just to keep an eye on things and make sure she stays stable.
    via u/ArtisticGarden8705
  • Woman wearing grey striped dress shirt sitting down near brown wooden table in front of white laptop computer
    via LinkedIn Sales Solutions

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Recently, I got a notification that her Visa was over the limit. This card was only supposed to be for emergencies, but when I looked at her statement, it was full of stuff like mobile games, restaurants, and random purchases. Nothing necessary.
    via u/ArtisticGarden8705
  • ************* **** 2009 AIRFRANCE/ AMERICAN EXPRESS FLYING Hold Near Reader
    via CardMapr.nl

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I called her to talk about it. I told her I couldn't help her anymore and that she'd have to figure it out on her own. (To be clear: she never asked me for money. She said she'd handle it.) But she got really upset when I refused to acknowledge that she had made a $300 payment on the card. She
    via u/ArtisticGarden8705
  • started crying, saying she is trying, and I still shut her down because I was frustrated and didn't want to give her credit for backsliding again.
    via u/ArtisticGarden8705
  • Now I feel conflicted. On one hand, I've already sacrificed so much for years to help her, and I can't keep bailing her out. On the other hand, she's 69, she cried, and I do feel like maybe I was too harsh in that moment by not giving her any acknowledgment for at least paying something.
    via u/ArtisticGarden8705
  • So... AITA for refusing to acknowledge her payment and making her cry?
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  • KaldaraFox NTA - I've got a mom in a similar situation. All my life she favored my sister over myself and my brother. My sister has completely looted my mom's house of anything valuable and either sold it off or given it to her own kids. Mom can't stay off the internet and has her bank account cleared out more than once by scammers.
    via u/ArtisticGarden8705
  • She came to me for help and I gave it . . . for a bit. But the arrogance and hubris of her is just astonishing. I finally just cut her off and said to get help from her favorite child (who can't stand to be in the same room with her). I cut contact completely. Sometimes it's all you can do for your sanity.
    via u/ArtisticGarden8705
  • FurnaceOfTheseus I cut contact completely. Sometimes it's all you can do for your sanity. This is the best course of action. There are some things you can't fix. Like people who are older than you who act like they're in highschool.
    via u/FurnaceOfTheseus
  • Capablelmage430 Why does she still have credit cards?!? NTA
    via u/Capablelmage430
  • mrtnmnhntr When my older brother was rebuilding his credit the person we consulted actually said that he should keep his oldest cards open so he could build a credit history back up. In his case though he just cut up the physical copy of the card.
    via u/mrtnmnhntr
  • YesterdaySimilar2069 But, she's 69 and in low cost housing. She could, at best, have a card OP physically holds onto for use on a thing like her phone bill to ensure it stays active. Barring an accident, or illness with a pet or herself, there should be no reason to use credit with her lifestyle.
    via u/YesterdaySimilar2069
  • mrtnmnhntr Having a credit score is different from using credit, and credit cards are a part of that. Especially if one doesn't have a mortgage or anything like that or a car payment.
    via u/mrtnmnhntr
  • YesterdaySimilar2069 That's why I recommended she have a recurring, but knowable payment. I can see where it would be handy to be able to prove payment history so that you can get a loan if something occurred that require required one, but her lifestyles are already set up in a way where she shouldn't have any unexpected emergencies come up that would require a large loan.
    via u/YesterdaySimilar2069
  • Spiritual-Bridge3027 NTA This was a sort of intervention from your side - you talked to your mom about racking up frivolous credit card debt that were OVER the LIMIT. She may have cried but in some situations tough love is needed. Your mom needs to understand how
    via u/Spiritual-Bridge3027
  • important it is to maintain financial stability and also that you are not going to be her safety net all the time. Good on you for talking to your mom before she went down the debt spiral again. And yes, you can't keep bailing her out each time she puts herself into trouble financially.
    via u/Spiritual-Bridge3027
  • Fiempre-sin-tabla NTA. Those crocodile tears were an attempt to manipulate you and deflect the conversation to be about an imaginary thing you did wrong instead of a real thing she did wrong. Sounds like she shouldn't have any credit cards at all, though as long as she's considered "competent" I guess there's no real way to take them away.
    via u/Fiempre-sin-tabla
  • wowgamertbc NTA! of course she cried, you sacrificed so much for her already, she is the cause of her own misery. She refuses to change her financial habits she can deal with the consequences. I don't know maybe try to put a conservatorship in place she obviously can't be responsible for her self financially. Might be the best way to go about it. That way you can get rid of the credit cards which seem to be the majority of your mother's spending problems(truthfully overall it's a huge problem fo
    via u/wowgamertbc
  • Sea_Veterinarian7156 ΝΤΑ, Fine line between helping, and "enabling". usually it winds up being defined by an instance like this.
    via u/Sea_Veterinarian7156
  • Only-Breadfruit-6108 NTA. 300 is a drop in the ocean
    via u/Only-Breadfruit-6108

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